Want to Create a Happier Life? Start With Your Stories.
Everyone has a story. We tell stories about our lives all the time—to our friends, our families, and even to ourselves. The way we frame the events of our lives can have a big impact on how we feel about those events and, ultimately, on our overall happiness. That’s why, if you’re not feeling as happy as you would like to be, it might be time to re-write the story you’re telling yourself about your life. Here’s how.
We live in a culture that revolves around narratives. Think about the massive amount of stories we consume through television, movies, books, and even video games. Daytime talk shows and talk radio explore the non-fictional stories that are unfolding globally and locally, whether it’s politics or sports. We’re obsessed with stories.
Being a storyteller isn’t about being a writer. You don’t have to publish a novel. It’s about understanding that stories are how we make sense of the human experience. We are natural storytellers! But we do it so much that we take it for granted. So the goal here isn’t for you to become more entertaining at parties, although that’s kind of fun; it’s about becoming a better communicator, and a better thinker.
When you stop taking your own storytelling for granted, you’ll become more self-aware. You’ll also find that you’re able to see the world in a new and more interesting way, and that you’re able to connect the dots between different experiences and ideas. In short, learning how to tell a good story will help you create a happier life.
The first step is to become aware of the stories you’re telling yourself. Pay attention to your internal dialogue—the little voice in your head that judges everything that’s going on in your life. What kind of things does that voice say? Is it positive or negative? Do its commentaries make you feel good or bad? If you find that your internal dialogue is mostly negative, don’t worry—you can change it.
The idea that there is one objective Truth that we are all striving to find is a popular one, but it is also misguided. The concept of Truth is relative; what may be true for one person may not be true for another. This doesn’t mean that there is no such thing as Truth, but rather that our understanding of it is always evolving.
As we learn more about the world and ourselves, our truths change. And that’s okay! In fact, it’s essential for becoming happier and more fulfilled human beings. We should never stop questioning our truths and seeking out new ones. Otherwise, we risk becoming stagnant and unhappy.
As you review the stories that you’ve told about yourself, ask yourself, “Is there some way in which this story is not entirely true?” Finding some aspect of the story that isn’t entirely true gives you leverage to change the story.
The next step is to start changing the way you talk to yourself. Every time you catch yourself thinking or saying something negative about yourself or your life, stop and reframe it in a more positive light. For example, instead of thinking “I’m such a screw-up,” try thinking “I made a mistake but I’m learnings from it and I’ll do better next time.” It may sound cheesy at first, but with practice it will become second nature—and you’ll start to notice a difference in how you feel.
The pattern interrupt is a technique that can be used to help you break out of negative thought patterns and become happier. Essentially, the pattern interrupt involves breaking your train of thought whenever you start to feel down or stressed. This can be done by purposefully choosing new and different language.
By interrupting the pattern, we’re breaking the classic conditioning that we set up by telling the same stories about ourselves over and over again. So much of what we think of as “facts” about ourselves are really just stories that we told over and over. In many cases, the pattern interrupt can be enough to help you break out of a negative mindset and start feeling better.
Finally, take some time each day to write down three things that went well for you that day—no matter how small they may seem. This exercise will help retrain your brain to look for the positive aspects of your life instead of dwelling on the negative ones.
Practicing gratitude has been shown to have a number of benefits, both in the short and long term. In the short term, it can lead to increased happiness and satisfaction with life. It can also lead to improved physical health, as well as better sleep and reduced stress levels.
In the long term, gratitude has been linked with greater life satisfaction and wellbeing, as well as stronger relationships. So, if you’re looking for a way to become happier, more fulfilled, and more connected, practicing gratitude is a great place to start. Tell yourself short stories every day about good things that happened, things worth being grateful for!
The stories we tell ourselves have a big impact on our overall happiness. If you’re not feeling as happy as you would like to be, take some time to re-write the story you’ve been telling yourself about your life. Start by become aware of your internal dialogue and making an effort to reframe negative thoughts in a more positive light. Then, interrupt the old patterns of thought and replace the limiting thoughts with more positive ones. Finally, take some time each day to write down three things that went well for you—however small they may seem. With consistency and practice, you’ll start to feel happier and more optimistic about your life.
