Want to Know Your Purpose in Life? Clarify Your Values
We all have our own set of values, but sometimes it can be tough to define what those values actually are. That’s because as we go through life, we often make decisions based on instinct or convenience without explicitly articulating what we’re really trying to do or satisfy. It’s only when we take the time to consciously explore our value system that we can start to understand our purpose in life and make sure our actions are true to who we are.
Knowing your values is an important part of personal growth, as it allows you to evaluate the behavioral structures you’ve already created in your life and assess whether or not they’re congruent with your values. When you know what your values are and how they fit into your life, you can make sure that the direction you take aligns with where you want to go (your purpose in life).
The first step in understanding your values is to bring your values to conscious awareness. Read that sentence again! So many people think they know their own value system, yet they’ve never actually identified their core values consciously. Many of our values were given or transmitted to us by authority figures–parents, teachers, or mentors–at an early age. We’ve had them for so long that we don’t consciously think about them; they run in the background of our mind like a computer program.
Take some time for self-reflection and exploration. Ask yourself questions like “what do I value most?” or “what do I care about deeply?” Think about what matters to you on a fundamental level. I really like asking clients, “What is important for you to feel in life?”
I ask that question to help clients separate their values from the vehicles to their values. A value is something you feel, and there are criteria for what makes you feel that way. A vehicle is something that delivers the value to you. Family is a good example of a vehicle. When people say they value family, they mean it, but if you discuss it further with them, what comes out is that they really value love, and family is one of their primary ways of getting love. Family is a vehicle, not an actual value.
How many values should you identify? Shoot for a list of 8-10 core values. Try to not overthink it, but rather go with your first instinct. The more you think it out, the more likely you are to start rationalizing choices and creating a list of “right” values. There is no right or wrong, here. With hundreds of possible values to choose from, the idea is to rely on your instincts and let the core 8-10 come to conscious awareness.
Once you have identified your core values, it’s time check on how they are functioning in your life. Take a look at the direction your life is currently going in and ask yourself if it reflects those core values. Are you living each day according to those principles? Are there any changes that need to be made? Remember that no one is perfect and it takes time for meaningful change to occur; this exercise isn’t about being hard on yourself but rather understanding who you are and making sure that person is reflected in how you’re actually living.
For example, one value I’ve had from an early age is to feel important. That’s pretty normal. But for some reason, the way that value developed in my life caused me to go over and beyond when it came to getting acknowledgment and positive attention. I came to realize that this was affecting my relationships with people.
Another value I have is feeling connected to other people. I love the feeling of connecting with people on that real, authentic level that we don’t always get, and my other value of feeling important was keeping me from getting that greater feeling of connection at times. I was spending more energy and attention on proving my worth and getting some sort of signal from people that I was worthy, and that kept me from focusing on how I could truly connect with them.
I use this example to illustrate that our own values can compete at times. It’s not that one is right and the other is wrong; it’s about understanding how they are actually working in your everyday life, and figuring out if they’re getting you where you want to be. Cultivate an awareness of when you feel most in the flow in your life, and when you feel most comfortable just being you. That’s when you’re living in alignment with your values.
When you have your values clearly articulated and they are at conscious awareness, then you’ll have an understanding of your natural gravitations, the things, people, and experiences you feel pulled toward. It may be the first time that you see the emotional landscape of your life with true clarity, but once you do, you’ll be able to make new and different choices, and you’ll feel better about those choices.
Figuring out what your values are is essential for determining your purpose in life. While it may seem daunting at first, taking the time for self-reflection can help bring awareness to what really matters most and ensure that the decisions you make align with those core beliefs. By exploring your value system and bringing it into conscious awareness, you can better understand who you are and how best to express that person through everything from everyday habits to major life choices. By knowing yourself better than ever before,you will be able create a more fulfilling life for yourself!
If you feel like you could use some help with this, I offer a six week group coaching program called, “Path to Purpose.” In the program, we work on values clarification, identifying what belief systems are working for you and which one aren’t, and how to create structures and practices to shift your life toward the purpose that will fulfill you and bring you joy.
